Sunday, August 16, 2009

48 sCARS

48 scars and counting. wounded and broken down into a pulp of mush poured into a vile full of repulsiveness. Creating a wonderfully constructed down fall. The pain inflicted on the heart was cause by lies, cheating, and everything underneath the betrayel tree. the Shadow of this darkens the deepest part of the soul. Lost and dillarious, confused of whats up and whats down. left and right the love made is now out of sight.... gave it all and recieved a kick in the face How fucken rediculous can one person be? the day is black and gray, will the skies ever be blue again. 48 scars and counting....

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


"While you slept i looked inside your chest to see what there was growing. I saw my heart - with quiet eyes - to your side itself was gently sewing"*** These were the words I used to tell myself before going to bed. That you were my everything. I just wanna run now. How could you do that?
Pain is all i have left to feel in these times of loneliness
***Leslie Norton

Friday, July 24, 2009


OMG out of boredom i outted my ex-goodfriends faces on there I LOVE S&M and POLY life page on LJ. i dont feel at all bad.. HAHAHAHAHA im so sorry it is war bitches!!!!!! you take from me, i take a lot more back!!!!!! dont get me wrong i do care about what your gonna think but it doesn't really have any afftect on me whatso ever.. i may go to the goth night and just to see your faces as you see and try to get all mad at me.. LOL>.. HIL LAIR EEE US!!!! I know i shouldn''t be so vengful but you dumb fucks really disrespected me and i dont do well with dis respect. mind you i have thought about doing it for months but i actually gotten around to doing it just now... :D anyways my day is super !

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Trailer Talk: Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland

Trailer Talk: Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland

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im so mad .. so very very veryvery mad... so mad that tears are welling up and i just wanna fucken scream into a pillow and then tear that fucken pillow into shreds..
i have decded that i am going to treat the asshole of my life a lesson im just gonna disapear for a whole fucken month and see how he likes it... ssee what he thinks about it. how he holds up. ara;laehkg o;rhg;.lkjtf;qelktladjgoaqjgr i can just go and kick the cutest puppy right now thats how mad i am ...
lwhy why would anyone even think to hurt that puppy. im sorry..
i wont kick him...
its hot in this house...
i thnk i need some fresh air to clear my thoughts...

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


What do i do???? the door is closed but the window is open, I have a lot of things that to figure out but not a lot of time..I have so many questions and no answers... Things would seem hopeless but I was not one to give up hope... I always try to look at the glass half full. see the greener pastures over on the other side.
I wish for some reason that i see a falling star tonight. just for fun..
Oh i had the strangest dream last nite. I was pregnant and gave birth to a beautiful black daughter it was absoultly amazing..
Why am I so disorganized with my thought process.. ooo cantaloupe yummy....oops, seriously how can i organize my... mmmmm i love cantaloupe and blueberries.....together.. :P

um.. today was a good day.. it went fine and it was bright and sometimes cloudy I went for a long walk yet again. and my legs ache but its good its real good.. i hope that your days are as bright as today.. Love Peace N Good Times


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Who0_o C@rres!!!!!!

Was it a mistake? to go for it, to fall into an old pattern, to test the waters again, Like OMG seriously what is the matter with trying things again, maybe I was a little bit angry, a little bit hurt, a little bit of everything in between. Fuck sakes, who is to say that things couldn't change what if for one moment it can. and then hold on to that one moment and hope that it remains a clear thought pasted into the back of my mind. Shit I dont know anything...... maybe..... or...... yeah i dont.. sitting around talking to myself and my thoughts I hear nothing that would really answer anything that would make any real sense of it all. I imagine staring up into the night sky, watching the stars move inch by inch across the blackness of the night. why does life have to be so complicated, To build character? To learn lessons? To just mess with our heads? who know i certainly don't all i can think of right now is that moment. that one moment that i will hold on to so dearly.
who cares what i think or what you think, cause i am not people and people think to much! haha make sense?

Monday, July 20, 2009

As this day proceeds into darkness my spirit lightens up, however there is one whom has a a little bit of myself. What has happened. I feel as though somehow it is my fault, and Yet you have judged to quickly I may have been hasty but my intentions were honest. I have tried and have not succeeded in my goal of enticing and creating a blooming flower of ecstasy in understanding and trust. where am I and where are you? in the end we are alone!


I woke up this morning and the clouds rolled over . I looked up at and I sighed " is your heart still mine?" putting Aaliyah on repeat. why does this feeling linger inside of me? Since I went away i dont really feel like talking. Wondering if you still think about the cherished memories we created. The sun blocked by the dark gray clouds, rain looks like it might fall down onto the blood stained thoughts. You took it and threw it down, how could this happen? still questioning, why does this feeling linger!
Knowing the pain, the hurt, the tears, and the fears. walking away with my life was my only option, i wanna cry sometimes... things were supposed to be different, but the changes in you were the same as ever. Its broken and will remain broken...
I miss you, i will not run to you... i gotta make a livin somehow!

Breaking up with someone who lied to you by making you fall in love is so mean. I can not believe i went down that path once more. I thought that four years with the other was the hardest, but the months that we have shared was more to me then anything, your lies were hidden somewhere, but not undiscoverable *tear>&*

I will smile each day, I will hold my head up high, I will laugh, dont wanna die.


This feeling lingers but i will swallow it down for another day!

Sunday, July 19, 2009


Well here it goes again.. So I gained 7 pounds i am not to happy about it.. i mean one week of starvation will clear it right up but food tastes so good, especially all the greesy salty foods :( haha food for comfort not gonna comfort myself that way.. well maybe just one more donought .... sweet sweet sweet delicious round comfort in a batter then baked into some yum yums ...
life hurts without another handfull of Mickey D's Fries... or maybe a big mac yeahh.. a big mac... mmmm.. oh god i can just throw up thinking about it.. i should just stuff my self with some more of these skittles... oh sugar so bad yet so good..
maybe if i run while sipping a slurpee i wont gaiin any of the calories right???

anyways.. have fun peace, and good times.

Monday, July 13, 2009


I have tried doing the whole lets blog thing in the past before but it hasn't worked out before. so lets give it a try again. hahaha.. um so My name is Gabe.. right now i am in the middle of a Gossip Girl Season One Marathon. i think its great. i haven't actually watched this show until now. i can not believe that i had missed this in the past i feel so asshamed.. There isn't a whole lot to talk about at the moment but i thought it would be polite to make a post.. I would like to also mention that I am awesome :p

peace N Good times